On a Clear Day...

...you can see forever - or "up to 18 miles" with these opera glasses. Seems like a stretch to me, but I suppose if you're stuck watching a football game live and in person, these things might be better than nothing.

Oh well, what do you expect for 75 cents?

All Sorts of Cool Stuff

I was always intrigued by the x-ray specs, partly because I couldn't imagine how they could actually work. Otherwise, the trick black soap and jack pot bank would have appealed most to me as a kid.

The only thing this page is sorely lacking is some disappearing ink.

If You're Tired of Being Pushed Around

Just follow Mac's lead. Forget Bowflex - all Mac needed was a free book from Charles Atlas.

Surely this ad is one of the better known ones in the self-improvement category. At least Charles Atlas looks realistic, instead of the grotesque specimens seen in some of the bodybuilding literature.

I can't say much about the validity of bodybuilding to make oneself a chick magnet, though. Wimpiness is more an attitude than a lack of physique. (If the shoe fits, take heart and strengthen your backbone before your biceps.)

Major Matt Mason

No doubt this toy was launched during the Apollo space missions. I never owned it, so I can't vouch for the authenticity of the jet propulsion pak: "Actually makes him fly through the air. Just like the real thing!"

The moon suit looks less like something Neil Armstrong would wear, and more like the robot from "Lost in Space." I wonder if there's a pouch of "Tang" hidden in one of the pockets ;)

204 pc. Revolutionary War Soldiers set

"Every piece of pure molded plastic...hours of fun for the whole family!"

All that for $1.98.

Nowadays, how many kids would be able even to name a couple of famous battles of the American Revolution, let alone re-live them with little plastic soldiers?

Come to think of it, plastic soldiers are probably not made any more. Instead, kids will have to order sets of diplomats and conflict resolution managers. After all, fighting is so barbaric - not to mention it's an embarrassing vestige of patriarchal society. Governments are nannies to take care of you and wipe your leaky orifices, not anything that should actually provide for the common defense.

Just Like the Real Thing

From the back page of a Tarzan comic book. They forgot about the possibility that some little Annie Oakley might be interested in ridin' shotgun, too.

Haunted House Mystery Bank

Note that this too is "sturdily constructed," like the Polaris Nuclear Sub.

My fave: "...or (if you're independently wealthy) a quarter..."

HA. But then again, Bazooka Bubble Gum was only a penny a piece, too, so...

Make Money, Get Prizes!

I though the telescope, the archery set, and the walkie-talkie would be fun to have. This seed ad doesn't tell you how many you need to sell, though.

Polaris Nuclear Sub

Great minds think alike - so I've been told. I dragged out a box of old comics the other day and got the idea of putting up some of the ads here. Now I see that Lileks has already started that meme. (I will concede, however, that it appears that the majority of his stuff antedates my material by a couple of decades, at least. So perhaps there is not too much harm done ;) Well, at least I've beat him to the punch with this:




Firing the rockets sounded kind of cool. "Sturdily constructed of 200 lb. test fibreboard" was all too easy to overlook, though, as I imagined this was just the thing I needed to go cruising up and down the mighty Fox.